I started thinking of all the tattoos I’ve seen over my lifetime, which is a lot (I’ve been to some pretty weird bars). And of all the “original” things you could stamp on your body, it seems like most peopled end up a wrinkled museum for past cultural fads. The Tazmanian Devil comes to mind. Is it weird that I’ve seen more than 3 Looney Tunes tattoos? That’s 3 too many. And I can imagine the regrettable alarm started ringing at around the same time the headache starting ringing from the hangover. Ok, maybe that one isn’t entirely a conscious decision. Perhaps more of a dare?
Then there was the tribal arm bands. That’s the equivalent of being in a restaurant and saying “I’ll have what he’s having.” Zig zags are great and all, but what happens when cubism makes a comeback? You’d be forever stuck with an artistic style that really wasn’t all that good of an artistic style to begin with. The derivative of this is of course the barbed wire arm band which tells us: You like Baywatch. or your preferred home security. Personally, I’m not a razor wire guy. I’m more of the “Do Not Disturb” tag that hangs on the doorknob at hotels.
Remember the Chinese lettering fad? The running joke was that no one has any idea what the tattoo might actually say. It could very well be the greatest prank ever played! Anyways, as much as I’d love to feng shui my apartment, I’ve never felt the need to feng shui my body. (As long as my nipples aren’t misaligned).
The thing about tattoos is that they are meant to last forever, right? The eternal statement that will last longer than relationships, cars, and jobs. (But not Twinkies. Nothing will outlast Twinkles!) So you probably shouldn’t get a girlfriend or boyfriend’s name tattooed on yourself. Or at the very least, IF you felt so compelled, do it in some creative fashion that allows it to be edited into a ferocious tiger or something, should the relationship turn sour. Then it could actually work as the “single person indicator”.
Guy to a girl: “Hey, sweet tiger tattoo? So you and Rick are over, huh? Wanna go out?”
Even getting your spouse’s name tattooed is still iffy. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce which means there’s only a 50% chance you’re going to want that name on your body. I’m not sure I’d be willing to give up real estate on my body to someone who can actually take half of my real estate (if I owned any. I rent. But dealing with a lease could still get messy).
So what really is worth forever? I would say there’s only two things. First, your kids (if you have any). They will always be your kids. Always. Love em or hate em, though hopefully you love ’em. What’s the other? Loyalty to your sports teams. People may move locations and change jobs, friends, cars, and sometimes wives, but people don’t change sports teams. Our sports teams are an extension of us. We’ve embraced them at their peak, and loathed them on sports radio at their worst. But in the end, we love them. We love them like we would our own flesh and blood, so is it so crazy to offer up our own flesh and blood? This of course doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and get my team’s logo inked on me (my biceps aren’t big enough), but I will no longer judge those who have taken the brave step in cementing their undying loyalty to a sports teams in the form of a tattoo. Although a ferocious tiger is still pretty awesome too.