Category Archives: Lightning Round

A section dedicated to quick posts. Don’t blink because you might miss it!

Skinny Leg Jeans

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Hey Your Nuts Called And They Said They Are A Little Squished!!

Hey Your Nuts Called And They Said They Are A Little Squished!!

There are just some things that I will never understand.  One of those things is why men wear skinny leg jeans.  I am sorry but how do people find them remotely cool to wear.  When I was out in trendy California there were tons of dudes just rocking these things.  These jeans are hideous.  I almost just want to walk up to every guy I see wearing these pants and slap some style back into them.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  I mean come on ladies you cannot say that skinny jeans is sexy on a guy.  Plus as a guy aren’t you worried about your nut clusters being squished.  Do you not want to be able to reproduce in the future?  Wearing these jeans can’t be good for you.  I mean it is literally like wearing a Speedo that is 2 sizes too small.   Why punish the boys like that?  If you are mad at your parents because you wanted to be a girl, then save up some money and get castrated or have surgery.  I am fearful for the next big fashion fad.  Hmm maybe it will be Mini-Man Skirts, Man Blouses, or how about Danny Dukes?

I just don’t get it!!!

-MBTC

Kobe Bryant: Respect & Despise

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Alright it is that time again to strike someone down with lightning.  So was anybody else tired of hearing about this Kobe Bryant scowl?  If you do not know what I am talking about then bless your heart for being able to avoid this topic.  But for those that do know what I am talking about knows how friggin annoying it was to hear about it.  I guess there really isn’t much to talk about in the sports world.  So let me just tell you why I respect and despise Kobe Bryant.  I respect Kobe because he is a great player.  He has won 3 championships and has matured tremendously into one of the greats.  But at the same time, I despise Kobe because he has always been fortunate to be on a great team.  I just lost a ton of respect for Kobe when he demanded to be traded before the beginning of last season.  Since the Lakers organization are not a bunch of dummies, they went and got him some serious help.  I would have the utmost respect for Kobe if he just didn’t complain and whine.  I mean just think how many more championship rings he would have if him and Shaq were still playing together.   But nooooo!  Kobe wants it to be known that this is his team.  If it is truly your team Kobe… go out and let your performance on the court dictate that.  But anyways I am not going to beat a dead horse here.  I can write a dissertation on how much I respect/despise Kobe.  Anyways Kobe you are being struck down.

One more thing before I go, if you so happen to watch game 4 on Thursday you should play the Kobe Bryant drinking game.  The rules are simple.  Everytime the announcers suck Kobe’s umm I mean compliment Mr. Bryant you have to drink.  By the end of the game you should be feeling just fine.  Trust me when I say that playing this game will make the announcers an ounce more tolerable.

-MBTC

Hide all the white women Orlando... Kobe's coming to town!

Hide all the white women Orlando... Kobe's coming to town!

Drive Thru Windows

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I must say that I have been in a positive mood lately until yesterday morning.  So lets start some venting shall we?  Ok so yesterday morning, I managed to get up early enough for McDonald’s breakfast.  Now those that know me will tell you that I am not a morning person by any means.  So if I get up early enough for McD’s breakfast its because I am on a mission.  So I roll myself out of bed and hop in the car.  I arrive at the McDonalds near my house and notice that the line at the drive thru is about 3 cars deep.  So I decide to hop in line because there was no way I was getting out of the car looking the way that I did.  So I sit in the drive thru window for a bout a minute or two before it is my turn to order.  I pull up and there is dead silence for about a second. Then I hear a voice asking me if I want to try the new McCafe.  I immediately recognize that it is one of those friggin prerecorded drive thru messages.  So let’s pause here for a second.  Is there anybody else out there that hates these prerecorded messages as much as I do?  I mean what purpose do they serve.  Anyways let me continue.  So after hearing the message, I give it a few moments and wait for the drive thru attendant to speak.  A minute passes and then this person with a stank attitude says, “go ahead with your order whenever you are ready”  with a little emphasis on ready at the end.  At this point my blood is boiling because I didn’t appreciate the attitude.  I think it is customary for drive thru patrons to give a grace period between that prerecorded message and the actual attendant.  So I order my food and pull up to the window.  At this point, I wanted to throw my money at her and at the same time pull her out of the window.  But I didn’t.  It just pissed me off that I try to follow some simple drive thru etiquette and end up getting attitude.  But in the end I was happy because I got my sausage and egg mcmuffin and hash browns.

So I must ask my fellow readers how do you react to those prerecorded messages?  Do you wait until you hear the attendant speak?  Or do you order immediately?  Please share your thoughts!

Either way I strike down with lightning those damn prerecorded messages at drive thrus.

-MBTC

Listen bitch you cop an attitude with me again and I'll drag your minimum wage making ass out that window!

Listen bitch you cop an attitude with me again and I'll drag your minimum wage making ass out that window!

NBA Conspiracy

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254px-NBA_Logo.svgI have to talk about this subject because I am tired of hearing about it!  All that people can talk about here in Orlando is how the NBA officials are trying to cheat Orlando out of the finals.  The buzz here is that it is so blatantly obvious this.. and conspiracy that..  Believe me,  I am a “Witness” to Lebron James getting all the calls.  But if I recall correctly that Orlando is ahead 3-1 in the series.  So what is the big deal?  No matter how many calls Lebron gets doesn’t mean the Cavs will walk away with a W!  If you really have watched the entire playoffs you would notice that the refs are guilty of calling it close to make the playoffs interesting. Plus it is very tough on the refs not to call fouls for Lebron when he touches the ball probably 80-90% of the time.  Does that mean he deserves the call each time?  No.  But he pushes the envelope by taking the ball to the basket.  I am not defending the refs by any means but the Magic make it very difficult for the refs to call fouls for them when they shoot 38 three pointers.  As a Celtics fan living in Orlando, I grow tired of hearing excuses.  I watched the series between Boston and Orlando and was disgusted with the officiating.  But not once did I complain.  Especially when Dwight Howard was lowering his shoulder every time leading to the C’s big men getting in foul trouble.  The Magic beat the Celtics and that is that.  As a person secretly cheering for Orlando, I grow tired of all the complaining.  It isn’t necessary because your team is one win away from the NBA finals.  The officiating is always going to be inconsistent.  The stars will always get the calls.  It is what it is!  I wonder if Denver fans are whining about Kobe getting all the calls??  Oh by the way… Nobody seemed to care when another player who wore #23 got all the calls!!  I wonder why that is??

 

-MBTC

Ember Is A Ripoff

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Lightning Strikes

My first bolt of lightning must be struck down on a bar here in Orlando called Ember.  Now I must say that I liked Ember the first couple of times I have gone.  Until just a few weeks ago, I have decided to never go back there again.  So the story starts off with my friends deciding that they want to head to Ember.  So we get there and order some drinks and the alcoholic in me emerged and I finished my drink rather quickly.  So instead of just drinking a single shot in a short glass, I decided to upgrade to a double shot in a tall glass.  I catch the attention of our cocktail waitress and order another drink.  She disappears with her drink tray and magically reappears a few minutes later.  When the waitress does return she hands me a glass that is the same exact size as my previous drink.  So I am thinking to myself that maybe she forgot that I ordered a double tall.  So I asked her how much and she said 6 dollars.  Please keep in mind that was the price of the first drink that I demolished.  So I pay for my drink with cash (those that know me will tell you that it is a rarity for me to carry cash).  At this point I am trying not to destroy this drink like the one before.  But as soon as I go to take my first sip, I get tapped on the shoulder and sure enough it is the waitress.  With the music blaring in the background I lean over to see what she wants.  She leans over and tells me that she made a mistake and that I owe her six bucks!  I am completely confused at this point and I’m sure it was written all over my face.  I said to her that there must be some sort of mistake.  The waitress with an attitude says that the drink I ordered is a double tall.  My face went from having a confused look to a are you fucking kidding me face.  I ask her how she figured that the drink I ordered is a double tall.  Also keep in mind that it tasted like it still had one shot in it.  Her explanation just took me from zero to pissed off in about .6 seconds.  So long story short, I spent several minutes arguing how I owed six bucks more.  The rage in me was growing.  But I calmed down and said in a stern tone that I will pay the money but that I refuse to set foot in this place again.

So that is what I plan to do!

So Ember consider yourself struck down!

“Weather forecast for tonight:  dark.”  ~George Carlin