Attention all dog owners! I am declaring war against you! No longer will I turn a blind eye to your dog dropping its business in my yard and you failing to clean up after it! I mean seriously! Today was the final straw!
Eat the damn Big Mac! I don't care if it is 9 a.m.!
So this morning, I woke up craving McDonalds breakfast. I looked over at the clock and realized it was 10:26. Anybody that is anybody knows that they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 during the week. With time against me, I hopped in my car and raced to the McDonalds right around the corner from my house. I roll through the drive-thru at exactly 10:30 all ready to order my favorite, Sausage McMuffin w/ Egg and a breakfast burrito. But after I put in my order what does the voice from the other side tell me? I’m sorry sir but we are now serving lunch. My heart sank! Are you friggin’ kidding me? Who in their right mind wants a Big Mac, Nuggets, or a Quarter Pound w/ Cheese at flipping 10:30? Obviously that ass clown Ronald McDonald does not feel that breakfast is the most important meal of the day!
Alright listen and listen good. I completely dread a certain time of the year. And that certain time of the year is college football season. In all fairness, I use to like it a lot. But since I moved down to Florida, I have developed a hatred for it. I am sure it is just as annoying in other parts of the country like Ann Arbor or in Columbus. But you know what it doesn’t matter because I don’t friggin live there. So lets talk about college football here in Florida. I mean realistically it is all about a couple teams here in the Sunshine State. Everybody down here seems to be about the Seminoles, Gators, or the Hurricanes. As of late it has been mostly about the Gators. Now I will give credit where credit is due. The University of Florida has a very talented athletic department. They have won a few national titles here recently. But my gripe is not against this institution of higher learning. Oh no sir! What chaps my ass are these annoying fans! I just want to punch everyone of them in their stupid faces. Especially the people that you ask if they went to Florida and they say no! Talk about deserving a swift kick in the junk. I especially love hearing women who have no idea what they are talking about. Both of these hens are cackling about why their team is better. Then what is even more annoying are the stupid chants. Oh the Gators are going to chomp you. Or the silly Florida St. chop.
Now listen I certainly go crazy with my beloved sports teams but not to the point where I every aspect of my life involves Red Sox, Patriots, or Celtics. Hey it is perfectly fine to cheer your team on. But don’t go overboard with it. I will repeat myself once more. Nothing wrong with showing a little pride. Just do not cross the line where you are over the top with it. You know what I mean. So if you happen to read this and feel offended in anyway then you are obviously one of these people I discussed previously. Like I said I am sure that all those Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana State, Ohio State, Penn State, Notre Dame, or whatever school you route for are just as bad. But I don’t live in any of these places. I live in Florida! So I am going to piss and moan about all you Florida college sports fans all I want. But just remember if you happen to be a fan of one of the Florida schools down here, I will not hold it against you. Well at least not that much.
-MBTC
But I want to read ManBehindtheClouds.com!! Johnny don't make me count to 3..
So I was sitting in the airport the other day and witnessed a kid throwing a fit like no other. What was the parents doing? Absolutely nothing. So instead of the parents fulfilling their parental responsibilities they let their pain in the ass child continue to scream. Does anybody else see anything wrong with this? I find it very f*cking annoying when parents let their kids control them. Have you ever been in public somewhere and watch kids throw fits? I find it hilarious when parents use the counting method. Alright little Johnny don’t make me count to three. 1… 2… 2.5.. 3… I am sure Johnny is threatened by your ability to count to three. What kills me is that when the parents do reach three and they do absolutely nothing. I am sorry but I grew up on getting spanked by my parents. How many other people know exactly what I am talking about? I never really got spanked much as a kid. But I knew better to act out because when I did my mom or dad would whoop my hiny! I am a firm believer in spanking your children. I know that some parents take it too far but it does help disclipine children. I often get sick of hearing kids blaming their miserable lives on the fact that their parents spanked them. Now I understand that there are kids out there that do get physically abused by their parents. But there is a huge difference between punishing your children when they act out and beating your children for no reason. The other thing that kills me is hearing people say what is wrong with today’s youth? Well I can tell you my theory. Not one of these snot nose brats have been spanked. I love the fact that my parents did discipline me when they had to. While I hated being whooped by my dad’s leather belt or my mom’s brass shoe horn but I know today why they did it. One thing I do remember is after my spanking my parents would always say that they did this because they love me. Back then I thought to myself yeah right. If you love me so much you wouldn’t have spanked me. But now I know exactly what they meant. I just don’t understand the world we live in sometimes. I understand children have rights but they should also have the right to be spanked when they get out of line. But hey I don’t make the rules. However I know that when my kids get out of line you better believe that they will be punished. Don’t expect a countdown.
Rest My Ass!! More Like Stress Area!
Man oh man let me tell you how much I friggin hate rest stops/service areas or whatever the flying f*ck they are called. They should be called sh*t hole stops. Now you probably are wondering why I am cussin like I have Tourettes. Well I just am so frigging adamant about my hatred towards these highway rest areas.
I was driving back from a business meeting in South Florida. It was about noon and my stomach started to talk to me. So I pass one of those infamous signs that tell you what kind of food they serve at the rest area. On the sign I noticed that there was a Cheeburger Cheeburger (no I didn’t misspell it!). I had heard good things about this place and decided to pull off the highway and get me a burger. Boy was this a bad idea. I walk pass the automatic sliding doors and I immediately felt like I entered into a different country. Now have you ever been to Disney or any amusement park? If you have then take all the things you hate about amusement parks and you have the environment of a rest area. First off there are tons of people that don’t even speak English. The lines are long (even for the bathroom). The food is overpriced. And there are tons of children running around without their parents supervision. I had to rub my eyes to make sure that I was not at Disney. So I figured I need to hurry up and grab food and get the hell out of there. Well I find Cheeburger Cheeburger and the line was about 10 people deep. Here I am thinking that it shouldn’t be too bad. Oh no it seem like everybody in front of me was ordering for a small army. At this point my blood is boiling and I am thinking to myself, I wish they had speed pass at these places. The line starts to dwindle and it is almost my turn to order. While standing in line, I see this little boy climbing on everything he can and the mother is not saying anything. Not only is he climbing but he is running into everybody in line and jumping. I am thinking what the hell are you doing mom? Then the kid falls and busts his ass. Now the mom wants to come over and say something. While everybody else is like awww is he ok? I am trying to hold back from exploding and saying watch your damn kids lady!! But I chose to laugh at him instead. So I reach the lady at the register and put in my order. I just order a cheeseburger to go. She pushes a couple of buttons on her register and says 8 bucks please. I shake my head and said excuse me? I couldn’t believe it. It was 8 bucks for a burger. I reluctantly handed her a ten dollar bill. When I got my food, I unwrapped it from its packaging and seen how small it was. At this point, I could punch everybody in their face. I’m normally a laid back guy. But I was pissed and I wanted to take it out on someone. However, I thought it was best for me to just return to my car and eat my $8 hamburger. So instead of appearing on the news for flipping out at a rest area, I took the high road and drove home. Even though in retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been driving with all that anger in me. Oh well.
Next time you are on a road trip, stop by one of these hell holes and see exactly what the hell I am talking about. If you have been to one and know what I am talking about then please share your story!
